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Alhamdulillahi rabil'alamin..
My mom already aware with me being one of the niqabis. Although I'm not a women who always cover up my face. I know even-though she is aware BUT, she still feel a bit uncomfortable; well since we are not growing up and live in that kind of "living". Besides I'm only wearing the niqab when I'm hanging out alone and when I'm attending any of the Islamic activities/programs and usrah.
Same goes with my future husband. Undeniable he was superly happy with me being so kind to people and to whatsoever things that come up to me; bad or not. First time I wear the niqab and went to a wedding of my friend together with him, I thought he was ok. Indeed he was ok. But I smell something uncomfortable. I used to wear it infront of him. And then the following day I ask him; "why aren't you look at me? I notice everytime I'm wearing niqab you must look away and not looking at me like you always do. Why?" And he replied "I don't know" And me asking again "Then, what happened after we're married? You'll not looking at me for every seconds I put my niqab on?" And he replied " I don't know. Maybe." ... "Can't you just wearing the wide hijab (tudung labuh) and not wearing the niqab? I found it just too extreme" He added.
Hurm.
Silence I gave
I was so sad.
Indeed.!
At first he was okay (even he doesn't encourage me)
But now?
Hurm.
I don't know what to say, really.
It's not EXTREME dude. It's just a piece of kain which cover my face except my eyes!
I know I'm not asking for your permission to start wearing it.
I know I'm not telling you about my intention to wear it.
But..
Yeah..I really thought you'll be happy and comfortable since your family is coming from quite a religious one.
Hew~
And it makes me think, deeply. I know I need to obey him once he's my husband. And for now, I know I need to respect my mom's feeling. Why I said so? Because thinking about it so deeply and I know, wearing it is just as a sunnah as I told you guys so many times and it is not one of the wajib one. So, that's what ME now.
Still in confusing in wearing and not wearing. Still in confusing to proceed my intention and to respect family's request. It's okay if I'm not wearing it because my family and my future husband aren't asking me to open my aurah. It was just because the niqab is not one of Malay's culture and they're not used to it. And besides, I know, it is not the wajib one as long as I cover my aurah.
I know I need to focus more on my ibadah and other aurah; istiqamah in wearing handsocks and socks. But yet I'm still normal people who will be so lazy to wear all those mini tiny stuff. And when I'm wearing niqab, it makes me automatically wearing all the socks and cover my aurah perfectly. It's not about being hypocrites or whatnot, it's about doing something that can push your forward to the goodness and getting rewards. You know what I mean right?
So here I am again.
Not 24/7 a niqabis
Wearing it when I'm alone or when I'm with my Usrah group,
Not wearing it when I am with my family/my future husband.
I'm still pray for me to be istiqamah and makes everyone to feel comfortable with it.
Insya Allah.
xoxo;
fafa
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